Secretly spreading whispers.

Imperfect.

      

I
feel amazed seeing Nisa’s wedding gift, it’s not the thing that amazed
me, but what were written on it. The gift was a notebook, standard kind
of a gift. What makes it different is that there are three kinds of
quotes that were put in it. They said:

   

“Engkau adalah teman jiwaku yang hilang, setengah diriku yang dipisahkan saat ditetapkan [Kahlil Gibran]”

   

And there’s another one,

   

“When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.”

   

And the last is my fave. I lost my breath when reading it,

   

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly [Keen]”

   

Suddenly
somehow I feel gifted. I feel blessed by finding him now into my life.
Somehow I found out that he’s far from the word “perfection”. But since
I and he were united, he still remains imperfect, but the love, the
relationship, the affection, the trustworthiness and the faith we both
have to then we combined are amazingly be seen as a fully perfected
form of reality. As we complete each other, learn to grow tolerances
inside us and to throw egos that we’re having. It’s not as easy as
saying it. It takes much sacrificing to do such things, but I know I
have faith in him. I know that I believe him and I know that I can rely
on him. I will cover his “holes” and so does him to mine. That’s
supposed of what partners are for, isn’t it?

   

After the party was done, we sat together in the lobby. Then I said,

 

“This party is super cool…”, he agreed me, and then he continued,

 

“I don’t know whether I could make this kind of party in the future for you.”

   

“What for, I don’t need the package. I need the essence.”

   

No,
Love… I need no luxury. I need the imperfect you, so the imperfect me
could tick her heart with yours perfectly. Remember what Gibran said,

   

“Love is like one soul trapped in two bodies.”

   

And he didn’t mention about perfection, coz we don’t need that. Perfection will only blunting our sensitivities and senses.
 

 

So keep being imperfect Love and I will still know the reason why I should stay beside you.

 

 

 

~G~

      

Speak to the hand.

Popcorn’s ready.

 

Soda’s still sparkling.

 

And he’s now beautifully undressed.

 

 

 

Please do not stop bluffing.

 

Deeply sorry, though.

 

I have another thing to do with this guy.

 

 

 

Yet, I have put my hand on you.

 

Don’t worry.

 

I’ll be back.

   

Uncertainty.

 

 ^___^

 

 

 

~G~

 

Yang adalah milikku.

    

Kau
pikir buat apa aku tak beranjak dari peraduan biru yang kini sedang kau
percikan noda darah diatasnya dengan rona benci berbau tengik di
sekelilingnya? Kau pikir setan apa yang merasuki tiap desah nafas yang
ku curi untuk kemudian aku buang dalam dengusan rendah penuh gurauan
demi melihatmu menari-nari dalam siluet hitam tak berwajah dan hilang
begitu saja dalam satu desiran angin? Kau berkelakar jenaka tentang
bagaimana seorang wanita telah menodai dirinya sendiri diatas panggung
penuh dengan ribuan pasang mata rubah-rubah bedebah yang menatap nanar
sang wanita yang sedang memperagai bagaimana ia tekah mengubur
dalam-dalam hati kecilnya demi mencicipi bagaimana rasanya seonggok
nafsu benci, membenci dan dibenci itu. Dia pun [membiarkan dirinya]
ternoda dalam kubangan takdir tanpa pernah mengecap arti sebuah rasa
dan perasaan.
 

   

Kau
kira buat apa aku memasang telinga tajam-tajam dan membuka mataku
lebar-lebar untuk memperhatikanmu – masih tetap ditempatku semula –
melucuti satu persatu pakaianmu di depanku dan memperlihatkan
ketelanjangan memprihatinkan yang membuatku terpekur merenung tentang
kekuasaan sekaligus kekejaman Tuhan kepada siapapun makhluk yang telah
Ia tandai? Kau kira surga mana yang sudi menampung tumpukan daging dan
tulang belulang terbalut kulit yang mampu berjalan dan berotak namun
tak mampu menemukan cara bagaimana menggunakannya selain untuk
menyebarkan kebencian dan bau tengik itu sebisa yang dia mampu? Kau
kira kejujuran apa yang sudi namanya kau pinjam untuk mencecerkan
serpihan harga dirimu yang tercabik-cabik di ujung jurang di bawah
langit? Kau kira sehebat apa panca indera bisa membawamu ke puncak
atmosfir bumi jika keberanian urung membantumu melaksanakan skenario
alam yang bisa membuatmu bertahan? Kau kira sejauh mana kau bisa
melangkahkan kakimu diatas angin jika malaikat telah enggan berdekatan
dengan kenistaan bau tengikmu yang telanjang merebak dan mematikan
nafas sang semilir?
 

   

Kau kira kenapa mereka melakukan semua itu padamu diam-diam dan tanpa aba-aba?
 

   

Peringatan
telah datang padamu agar kau menyudahi tarian telanjangmu itu demi
meraih dan mendapatkan apa yang seharusnya tidak [akan] ada dalam
lembar kisah perjalananmu ke alam kubur, setelah sebelumnya bongkah
kebencian bau tengik itu menggerogoti tiap inci dirimu dan setelah
sesudahnya tak lain dan tak bukan kau akan dikenang sebagai “si
bongkah kebencian bau tengik dan telanjang memprihatinkan yang mati
diatas panggung saat menari bersama bom waktu yang dengan sadar tidak
ia sadari kian hari kian menjerat nadi lehernya dan menebas hidupnya
hanya dengan satu kali ledakan.”.
 

   

Kau
kira kenapa kau bisa mati begitu mudah? Ku pikir karena kau mencoba
menghalangi segala rasa – di luar kebencian berbau tengik – melingkupi
peraduanku dan bersanding bersamaku, yang [seharusnya] adalah milikku.
 

 

~G~

   

 
*kau
kira…? Aah, temukan dulu bagaimana cara mengombinasikan dan menggunakan
bongkahan daging, tulang belulang terbalut kulit itu bersama otakmu,
setelah itu mengira lah.

   

Some things worth sacrificing.

       

“Some things worth sacrificing”,
words of wisdom said. That’s what I’m feeling right now, been
struggling with all blood, tears and power I have now to open people’s
eyes so they can see what I believe and how strong my belief is. Last
weekend was a rough weekend for me. I don’t know how much tears I’ve
spared to convince them that I’ve made my decision and to tell them
that I don’t have any purpose except good will for my future. I’ve been
crying and crying with moaning voice that I am no longer a kid and I’m
able to think with my own brain and see with my own vision and finally
take my own conclusion and so I will live with it and take any good and
bad thing I have to face as my risk, with relieving heart and mind. I
don’t and never want to see anyone gets hurt, especially those who I
love. But I’m sorry, I’m SORRY… I can’t lie, I can’t pretend and, I
can’t deny about what I feel. I’m not good at lying anyway. Anyone I
can blame about my honesty? Is it my parents, my teacher or my
religious teacher, or is it me? Is it me to blame for the courage I
have to sound my feeling and be honest with myself?

    

I
get shocked, I’m out of focus and I grieve. Please… please look at me
for a while. Please see me and hear me as person, not as any status
you’re seeing me holding with. Please open the door of your hearts even
just a little bit, even if you just share a bit space for your eyes to
see what’s outside your locked doors, to see the world outside isn’t
just as large as you gardens. Please melt your hearts a bit to feel a
tad of warmness, even if you never get used of it and you will run for
a colder room or sunglasses. Please put your foots on my shoes for five
minutes, even if you think that it’s too small or even too large for
your size. Please be ME for a second, and you will
know, you will feel and you will understand, even if I know that you
will get and understand not more than 5% of a whole me. But at least
you will think that it’s not EASY to be me, it’s not easy when all you
think is right is always seen wrong to anybody else. Even when finally
I could prove the best result I could reach from my decision, you were
too proud of yourselves to admit that I was right at the beginning. You
were too selfish to nod your heads to show that you were agree with my
actions.

    

I
don’t need anything except your good wishes upon me, your trust upon my
belief, your support upon my decision. I have good will, so I have to
go on with it in also good ways. And ALL I need from you is just ONE
thing; your blessing upon me. Then I smile, then I can prove that with
my decision, I can make you smile. Then I can make all of you smile, I
will smile for I know that I’m seizing my future with someone that can
make me smile. And my future will smile at me.
 

    

Some things worth sacrificing, please be kindly consider it, all.
 

   

~G~