Secretly spreading whispers.

Heaven reveals in the vague sight
Lay down…the self remains breathless
Smile for the head spinning roller coaster

As the lazy body fulfilled with satisfaction
These eyes discreetly closed, heading to a dream-nation

Quick inhale…Strengthened heart
A flash memory of a miserable part

Buried deep inside
Forever will hide
In never ending dark
That lights your path

Created by: iwed
Finishing by : Maraden

Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin..

Maap maap..Kalo ade saleh saleh kate..situ aje kali yang salah bace!!!

Hehehehe..berjanda! Maapin iwed yuaaahhh..dosa loe klo ga maapin! Kata mama ntr masuk neraka klo musuhan lewat dari 3 hari (Hallahhh..apa sih weed??)

Have a nice fasting.. *kiss and hug*

"Do all virtues you can do like u’re gonna die tomorrow and enjoy this fasting month like u’re gonna live forever"

- Goddess -

Go to my Multiply page Goddess and read it carefully.

- Goddess -

I got
so many ordeals these lately days. I guess He might thought of
testing my patient again this time, especially when fasting month is
coming…Finding out how much I’ve forget Him, testing how much my
love for Him still remains.

Start
from two weeks ago, a girl (I call her “girl”  with a very heavy
heart, coz she’s not..better call her sluth!) named “Ersa”…I
believe 100% that it’s not her real name. She went messing around
in the forum. She insulted couple of people, including me & Kikan
(Cokelat member). For like a second, I was sure I knew who she was. I
thought she was my old-bitchy-friend who had betrayed me long time
ago (Look at my blog “Betrayal”). But few days later, one of my
friend told about her curiosity toward a person (Also a forum member
who registered as another fake ID & fake personal informations)
that we know as our close friend in the forum. Man! I was so upset
finding out that I would receive another backstabber in my life!!
I’ve enough of them…I pray to God everyday that our curiosity is
just a negative thinking & asked Him to strengthen my patient.
But then another girl (or maybe the same girl with another fake ID)
called “Andara” came to forum and – again – disturbed our
community. Still, her main victim is me (and Kikan, again! And my two
close friend: Yunia & Refie). In my opinion based on her
forum-posts, she has a deep envy with us. She feels jealous about our
intimacy for each other, and to Kikan also…And now she calls us
“Trio Exist” and she calls me “Miss Perfect” !!

My
replies for her were full of angst (full of rude words, maybe), I’m
getting fed up with those kinda people. I dared her to meet me in
person, I gave her my number and I said to her “don’t just dare
to show off in the net, have gut to show off in front of my face!!”.
My boyfriend also help me facing her, but he also reminded me to stay
calm & not to take this problem so serious that it could ruin my
concentration. But – Ya Allah..forgive me – I can’t (and maybe
never can) stand with hypocrites, fakers & back stabbers!! I’ve
been always treasure friendship and honesty…like forever! My brain
just couldn’t stop thinking why those kinda people don’t have any
heart about friendship? Maybe God is testing me now, make me realize
that no one could be my best friend better than Him. So I sit down, I
cried, I prayed, I apologized…maybe I’ve been forget about Him.

And
today, another ordeal stopped my cheerfulness. I still registered as
a CV students at LIA Kelapa Gading. But my class at LIA runs in the
same time with my class at campus (LIA class starts at 7-11 am,
Campus class starts at 9-11). Still 2 weeks to go before I graduate
from LIA. I’ve been reorganized  my schedule so I could still join
these two classes. One day my friend said that the LIA test will be
held on Sept 16, so I decided to skip my class in Campus. Today, I
went home after the-campus-class was dismissed (one mistake I made,
coz I forgot to reconfirm my friend to make sure that LIA test will
be held tomorrow). After arrived at home, I called my LIA friend and
asked her what time the test will be started. Nervously, she said “Oh
my God, forgive me Wed..i forgot to tell you that the test won’t be
held tomorrow, but a week after!”

Suddenly
I felt like my intestines were thrown out & someone had hold my
throat and pull it out forcefully. I was speechless, knowing that
it’s not all her mistake, becoz I – too – did a mistake. Why
didn’t I call her early after I went out the class this evening, so
I didn’t have to take my fat ass home?!. Hmph…tomorrow I have to
go back to campus and all my plans tomorrow with my boyfriend is 70%
fail! What a day, God..what a day…

Maybe
He thinks that it’s about the time for me to ask for an apologize
to all human being. To you, all Mpers…To my parents, my brothers,
my buddies & my enemies (the least thing I wish to have). Please
forgive me for my weaknesses, my arrogance, my insensitivity and
other of my hard feelings. Fasting month is about to come (the month
I miss the most :p), so I want to clean up my heart and my hard
feelings toward certain people. Have a holy fasting, be merry..!! ^-^

Cape…suara ilang. Ayo ayoooo,apa ga bisa bayar gw lebih ya?Gw udah keluar suara, rajin2 latian ampe suara gw ngilang gini..pliss deeh,dasar kampus miskin.Huuuuuu…..cape deeeeehhhh!!!!!!!!!

- Goddess -

This confusion drives me nut

…………………

Those chores ruin my normality

…………………

Hhh…I’m wordless

Useless

Careless?

If it comes the time for me to do my deed

My brain just couldn’t stop to consider

Stop yelling! I already know it

Put your expectation lower

I did get some triumphs

Couple times I made them proud

But I also had my breakdown

The feeling when suddenly the sky falls through me

And the world just wouldn’t stop mocking at me

Now, tell me one thing…

How am I supposed to deal with all these?

Great! What a beautiful life I live in

Being buried under my unwanted duties

Please, bother me not…

Give me a time to drown in the world of the unknown

This madness has to be stopped

Now scram, you! Leave me alone…

- Goddess -

Routine…welcome board
Knock knock brain, wake up baby
Time to work again…harder
Make my grade better

Well hello folks,
Some look fatter, other look slimmer…
Some even getting hotter (dude!!)
The hell…still missing them after all

Aloha classes,
You’re the only thing that looks stagnant
No progress…did the air conditioner has been replaced?
Oh, come on!
I paid too much that actually each class could have a flat screen!

Aawwkkh…not those lecturers again!
They even couldn’t see that I have an IQ of 117!
"Dewi…got "B" again?"
"Yeah, mam…the test wasn’t for my level"
Uhm..what was that? A quantitative stat?
Yeah rite, kill me…
Did the IQ test give the wrong result for me?

Oh, look! What happen to my campus?
Is it becoming smaller or the principle thought we have too many space for playing card?
They built more constructions, fostered our loatheness
How about shrinking the priciple’s tire again? That would be nice

Whuteva…
Nu term, nu spirit
Nu hell…nu joy
Nu pal…nu boy (?)

*wink*

- Goddess -

Sunday Evening, 3.14 pm

Sitting in my bed…
The bed i used to sleep in 8 months ago
Feels like i’m having a Deja Vu…
The tape of my life is rewinding once more
Birds singing…Wind blowing…Trees dancing…
Hot summer-sun greets me through my dorm window
She smiles, showing her super-flashy light
Welcoming me back…

A year more of struggling
A year more of sucking my parents’ money
A year more of going to college

3.16 pm

it’s quiet…Peacefully quiet
i take a far-away look to the bluish sky
i used to stare at the cloud’s shapes
But now, there’s no - even a single - cloud up there
it’s a fair sky…Peacefully fair sky

3.17 pm

Here comes Adzan…
Two hours since my mom left from my dorm
it’s a strange feeling…i miss her already
My eyes are now getting burned
Silly me! Why do i have to cry?
Being stucked in my home just for 3 months and now suddenly i’m becoming a homy?
Hmph…This sucks! Breath, Wed…Breath
it’s time to get out once more from ur cage and go back to your nature

3.20 pm

Feels like it’s going to be a tough life this year
Call your God’s name & your parents’ name, Wed…
Stand up…
Pray…
it’s Ashar…

- Goddess -

Otakku kacau, galau terhalau bara
Menghitung jumlah degup jantung…
Yang entah bagaimana bersatu dengan lambung
Seperti pusaran mesin cuci
Aku ingin muntah, aku ingin pingsan
Memikirkan yang "tak terpikirkan"

Ini sudah jam 2, mengapa jam di dinding itu tak bisa diam?
Dan mengapa air mata ini juga tak bisa diam?
Menggenang di ujung jurang jiwa…
Seperti kristal mati tak berarti

Bila saatnya tiba, mungkin aku akan menyerah
Mengusung bendera putih dengan teriakan "berakhir saja sudah!"
Biar aku sulam jaring-jaring hidup ini sendiri
Kan ku buat benteng diri semu tak terjamah

Koyakan membekas ini
Jadi saksi kekejaman satu kata terbungkus dasar makna bernama cinta
Pasrahlah wahai Dewa!
Cinta tidak selalu indah bagi semua insan ada
Bagai mata air jernih..
Namun banyak kerikil tajam menusuk
Bagai angkasa indah tak terkata
Namun tak ada ruang daya menghirup udara

Sudikah anak hawa mati tanpa cinta?
Bertanya pada satu persoalan semesta
Mencari jati pada diri yang fana

Jantungku masih berdegup…
Air mata masih menghangat…
Aku tak tidur, tak pula terjaga
Aku ada dalam ketiadaan, atau tidak ada diantara keduanya?

Cinta…itulah
Tidak indah, tidak hina
Tidak salah, tidak dosa
Tak diantara keduanya…

- Goddess -